I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
