We got so high we made milksteak
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
