I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
