i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
