: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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