When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
