Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
