just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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