Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
