Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
