I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so let's talk penis.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he fucked my hip out of place.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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