matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
