Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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