i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just threw up on my dentist
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
