don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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