i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
