my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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