The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
