i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The best revenge is premature balding
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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