you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
