...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
