she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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