Sponge bath it is.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
