we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
