The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
