MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
