Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
