no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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