At least make sure they are 18
Why
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
