Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
