My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
