i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She announced her abortion via fbk
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
