is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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