Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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