Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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