Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
