Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Randomize
