Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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