I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
