i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
