the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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