He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
