I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
