I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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