when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
