guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
