Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Fuck appropriateness.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
