who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
