She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
