I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
