You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
