I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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