Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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