Barsexuality is the new black.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
